A Trip Down Memory Lane
Every so often, I trawl through my old photos with a view to organising them. Here are a few of my most recent, and somewhat embarrassing, finds.
LOOK AT THOSE LEGS!
They kept me in a cage
To say I was a fat baby would be an understatement. My mum said she used to have to peel back the rolls of flesh on my arms and legs in order to wash me. They used to call me the Michelin Man. Cruel.
SPORT
I should have come first
I’ve always been hopeless at every sport under the sun. But once, I very nearly won the Donkey Derby at Gunton Hall Holiday Camp. As I neared the finishing line, the cheering of the crowd went to my head and I started waving at them. I lost control of the reins and ended up coming in third. I’m putting on a brave face in this photo, but really I wanted to cry. No idea why my dad is wearing the rosette.
THERE ARE NO WORDS
What was I thinking?
Not long after this photo was taken, I went for an interview at the Lucy Clayton Modelling Agency (I know, I know, completely deluded), and was promptly redirected to the Lucy Clayton Secretarial College instead. LOL! I never got to be a supermodel, but I’ll have you know my typing speed was 80 words per minute.
HAIR
I had the worst perm in living history
Perms were HUGE in the seventies and eighties. This one did, eventually, grow into something looser and longer - a shaggy perm, I think it would have been called.
NURSE
Apologies to all my former patients
Deprived of my rightful career as a top model, and refusing to contemplate life behind a typewriter, I decided to train as a nurse. I didn’t need to use hairpins to secure my cap - my permed curls were so tight, they kept it rigidly in place.
CIGARETTES
God, how I loved them
PLUCKED EYEBROWS
This is why I no longer have any
Realising I’d made a monumental error in becoming a nurse, and with my perm finally growing out, I reacquainted myself with secretarial work and turned to cigarettes and booze. I used to smoke Dunhill or Benson and Hedges Gold. Then I went through my Silk Cut phase, before moving on to Marlboro Lights. I haven’t smoked in years, but every so often, I really, really fancy one…
FIRST CAR
That’s me in the middle (shaggy perm)
My very first car was a bright red second-hand Ford Capri. I bought it from a colleague’s boyfriend and I absolutely loved it.
So that’s it, a few years after this last photo was taken, I had my first baby. Recently, my hairdresser said she thought I might look good with a perm…
Don’t worry, it’ll never happen again.